my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
