So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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