She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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