Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
