I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
