Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
