just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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