I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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