somebody snuck up and got me drunk
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
my liver is dry heaving
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
