dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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