dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
there is glitter all over my balls
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
