And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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