Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
