I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
