i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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