I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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