It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
