She is in my trunk
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
home. puking in laundry basket.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
