and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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