Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
