Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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