Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
