I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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