I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
