I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
