things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm at about main and main street
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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