Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
