if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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