were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
