that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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