I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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