Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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