Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
There are leaves in my underwear?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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