im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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