I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
