Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My pussy is not your playground.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
