he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
