the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
