Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
