True but thats because hes a fetus.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
