Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
