i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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