She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
