We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
