I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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