Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
