im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
