cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
