He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
