he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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