My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
