I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
