im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
