Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
